Musings: Anger At Bay

Yesterday afternoon, I had a wave of unexpected anger well up within me. I didn’t do anything with it. Meaning, I didn’t lash out at anyone, curse or break anything. Nor did I sulk sourly for hours. But I was acutely aware of my anger and of its source.

It was an odd place to be in – to observe my own anger. I sensed the rage and indignation boiling within my heart and I could feel it manifesting in my body – my neck tensing and my face scowling. But yet, I was somehow separate from it.

There seemed to be a transparent wall from which I could monitor but not be affected by my distemper. As the made-up scenarios and non existent confrontations flowed from my agitated imagination, they all seemed to whither and dissipate without taking root. Rather than feeding upon itself and snowballing into into an outright fury, they ignited and then died like a sparkler thrown into a puddle. Once they had run their course like a limited and futile line of code, I was left thinking this potent and consuming thought: “eh.”

This past month, I’ve been implementing some intentional disciplines to my life. Could my recent experience be the result of my new centering rhythm of life?  Now the object of my gall, which shall remain anonymous,  is one that I am quite intimate with and its existence as an irritation to me is unlikely to fade soon. So this experience was quite fascinating and encouraging.

Maybe there is something to this transformation stuff after all?

What do you think?

What disciplines do you have?

How do you deal with anger?



About johnmusick

revealist, writer, speaker, consultant, life-coach, polymath
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2 Responses to Musings: Anger At Bay

  1. Jason says:

    I had something similar happen in Feb: I found myself really angry but for me I didn’t know the source. Never happened before in my life. I did some praying and got some prayer and it went away. It welled up like a wave and then slowly went down again. Basically I think it was a bad thing trying to mess with me.

  2. I think it’s interesting that you see this as the result of transformation (a spiritual movement, the signs of a newer you) and not just the old you learning to cope.

    Most people don’t beleive in transformation. They just believe in coping. (Many of us never even get that far.) In one sense Maturity is the development of coping skills. The most mature people we know have spent years developing coping skills. When trouble arises they learn to deal with it, to cope with it.

    Transformation is something deeper, something different. We are not just learning to manipulate ourselves into responding differently. We are being changed into NEW PEOPLE that ARE differnent.

    I realize on paper this sounds semantical, but take the little monkey. He may learn to use his little-monkey-skills to overcome the obstacles of the jungle in order to stay alive, but that doesn’t make him the king of the Jungle. He’s not suddenly a Great Cat. He’s just a monkey with some skills.
    What if one day that monkey walked by a pool of water and saw his reflection. Only he didn’t just see a little monkey. He realized that he actually was a fierce tiger. If he was a tiger, why was he acting like a monkey? Sure, his mature monkey skills had kept him alive this far, but he wasn’t a monkey at all. He was a tiger, and tigers live differently, think differently…

    I liken this to transformation. John you are not just learning to cope. You’re not just developing your skills to cope with anger. You are seeing the true reflection deep inside, the reflection of Christ. You’re not who you thought you were. You are somebody different. You have different powers and abilities. You think differently. You act differently. As you live that out, you are transformed.

    At least that how I see it.

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