Yesterday afternoon, I had a wave of unexpected anger well up within me. I didn’t do anything with it. Meaning, I didn’t lash out at anyone, curse or break anything. Nor did I sulk sourly for hours. But I was acutely aware of my anger and of its source.
It was an odd place to be in – to observe my own anger. I sensed the rage and indignation boiling within my heart and I could feel it manifesting in my body – my neck tensing and my face scowling. But yet, I was somehow separate from it.
There seemed to be a transparent wall from which I could monitor but not be affected by my distemper. As the made-up scenarios and non existent confrontations flowed from my agitated imagination, they all seemed to whither and dissipate without taking root. Rather than feeding upon itself and snowballing into into an outright fury, they ignited and then died like a sparkler thrown into a puddle. Once they had run their course like a limited and futile line of code, I was left thinking this potent and consuming thought: “eh.”
This past month, I’ve been implementing some intentional disciplines to my life. Could my recent experience be the result of my new centering rhythm of life? Now the object of my gall, which shall remain anonymous, is one that I am quite intimate with and its existence as an irritation to me is unlikely to fade soon. So this experience was quite fascinating and encouraging.
Maybe there is something to this transformation stuff after all?
What do you think?
What disciplines do you have?
How do you deal with anger?